Don't Ask Me

I had lunch a couple of days ago with one of my research groups. (I encourage you to interpret the word "research" rather loosely in this context, as the sum total of what I contribute to this group is the occasional technical consult). One of the researchers had invited a new, incoming graduate student to join us. The two of us were introduced and left at the table alone for a few minutes while everyone else went to grab some food.

New Student proceeded to ask me the usual "What do you do?", "What year are you?" types of grad student questions. Then he asked what I am going to do when I graduate. I was stumped. It was the first time, I think, that I said aloud "I have no idea" and really meant it. I tried to laugh it off in the it's-not-a-big-deal-right-now kind of way, but beneath my feeble attempt at humor I realized that I truly don't know what I want anymore. That's not the best realization to have over tuna salad. And New Student? He practically scolded me!! He told me that I had better get working on finding a job, that I am running out of time. The condescending tone of voice was enough for me to be over the conversation and start looking around for the familiar safety net of my advisor and the rest of the group.

I'm graduating in May 2006, mind you. I fully realize that fellowship deadlines are in October and November, and I need to start looking at post-doc listings this winter. I also have to plan my fall course, teach said course, finish my thesis research, write my thesis, and prepare for at least two conferences and an invited seminar this year. But since I now have been castigated by an incoming student, perhaps I should move "find direction for life and employment well-suited to achieving detailed life goals" to the top of the priority list.