Effortlessly perfect

A few years ago, the results of a study conducted at my alma mater on undergraduate women were released. One of the most memorable comments current students had about their experience was regarding the pressure they felt to be "effortlessly perfect". Women, they said, were expected to be beautiful, intelligent, and socially adept without ever letting on to any effort this perfect package might require. Men are not held to the same standard; they are allowed, and even expected, to let the world know how hard they work. I think some people outside of the university (and certainly administrators there as well) were surprised by this response, but for many alumnae that I know, this came as no shock. We agreed that we certainly felt the same pressure while we were students there. What I wonder now is whether this attitude extends well beyond my little undergrad institution and affects women at large today.

I feel the same pressure today as I felt then, but surely some (if not all) is self-inflicted at this point. I have very carefully crafted the persona that I can handle any- and everything on my plate (despite the obvious fact that I work until midnight on a daily basis and, this past week aside, rarely take a weekend off) because surviving in my particular male-dominated field almost seems to require it. And I don't want to just survive. If I am going to do this, I want to do it well! I want to be somebody, and I want to make a real contribution. I already stand out as one of only a few women in the department--the last thing I need to do is develop a reputation of not being able to handle it. So I do it all, probably even more than I need to. With good shoes and a smile on my face. And I continue to perpetuate the myth I have created around myself.