I Heart Standard Time

I think we should "fall back" an hour every weekend. It's quite nice. We'd catch up to the right time eventually, trust me. And just think of the extra hour of sleep you'd get every Saturday night!!

I am not so fond of darkness at 5 pm, however. It's kind of freaking me out.

Exam #2

I just finished grading the second exam in my class. I thought this second test was considerably easier than the first. In fact, I was worried on the day of the exam that it might be too easy and would mess up my whole test-dropping strategy at the end of the semester. (I'm dropping one of the three test grades in an effort not to have to give make up tests all semester). But my worry was in vain. The average came out to be one point higher than on the first test. *sigh* So I'm kind of disappointed again. Both averages have been at least 5 points lower than what I was aiming for in writing the exams. I am going to curve the grades at the end of the semester, of course, so the actual numerical score doesn't matter all that much as long as I have a good distribution of scores. But still. I have to wonder if my instruction is, in general, poor or if they are not studying or if the test is just not good or if it's a combination of everything. So I continue to worry.

And darn if writing good exams isn't a hell of a lot harder than I ever thought it would be!! I have all kinds of new respect for some of my former professors who managed to consistently write very good exams all semester long. It's a skill that I have no idea whether or not I possess. And so far, it seems to be a skill no one can teach. They just tell me that I will "learn how to do it as I go".

Failure

I read an article the other day about the mental health of graduate students and the fear of failure. There were a number of very good points made about how, for many graduate students, the fear of failure can be absolutely debilitating. And what defines "failure" for PhD candidates can be completely warped when viewed from the outside. Anything other than a tenure-track faculty position at a major research university is interpreted as failure in the academic culture (according to this article). And let me be the first to assure those of you not familiar with the situation: there are not nearly enough tenure-track positions at major research universities to go around. A whole lot of us are going to "fail", in this sense of the word. This attitude certainly pervades the environment here in my department.

I have pondered this a lot lately, being in the midst of applying for fellowships and post-doc positions. It's a huge decision to make: to stay in academia or to leave. (And mind you, we are all in the midst of writing our dissertations and finishing up our thesis work as we're contemplating our futures in the backs of our minds.) There are pros and cons either way, but there is such a stigma associated with choosing to leave the traditional academic world! Around here it's often referred to as "bailing", as though the PhDs who decide not to stay in academic research are somehow not as good, not as smart. As though they couldn't make it to the coveted tenure-track position if that were what they really wanted. My officemate is telling his advisor tomorrow that he has decided not to pursue a post-doc, and instead is going to seek a non-research job in industry. He's nervous, because the disappointment (and even anger!) from his advisor will be real.

The article also reported a pile of statistics from a study of ~3000 grad students at one particular university. A few for you to peruse:

45% of grad students in the study said that stress-related problems impacted their academic performance
95% felt overwhelmed in graduate school
54% had felt so depressed they found it difficult to function
1 in 200 had actually attempted suicide

Here's my question: who were the 5% of grad students that didn't feel overwhelmed? Seriously. I have never meet any of them. And the 1 in 200? That surprised even me. I don't have a good feel of how this compares to the population as a whole, but other than the suicide one, the general trends seem to fit very well with what I observe in the population around me.

I often call graduate school a completely surreal experience. It is difficult and harsh. And this bizarre definition of failure that so many of us have does nothing to help. As for me, I'm still on the academic track. It's a day to day thing still (hour to hour even, depending on the day), but for the moment I think this is what I want. I'm off to more collaborator meetings this weekend and possible post-doc discussion. Think good employment thoughts for me. :)

Just Popping In

I'm in California for the next couple of days at another pseudo-job interview. It's not technically a job interview, but I've been invited to come give a seminar and people know I'm graduating this academic year and frankly everything right now is a job talk. So here I am. There are actually two people here I'd really love to work with, so I am reading up on them this morning. I obviously cannot sleep this morning.

You might think that I purposefully sought out the sketchiest hotel in the area, but no! It's just an added bonus after the trip I had getting out here. I hate to speak ill of an entire state based on only a few isolated experiences, but I will still do it: California does NOT do a good job with their road signs. It seems that signs reading "Left to Highway X" really mean "Left several blocks up at that street marked with a sign pointing toward the military hanger and then go around the corner to the light and take a right toward the entrance to the highway". I missed my highway twice just trying to leave the airport. Sometimes I think perhaps I don't have the smarts to really get a Ph.D.

Sugar Free Oreo Cookies

I should mention up front that I was going to call this post "Sugar Free Oreoes", but I couldn't figure out how to spell the plural of Oreo. Is it Oreoes? Oreos? Hard to say. So I went with cookies.

I was at Target this afternoon buying shampoo and household cleaning supplies, when I turned around and came face to face with the cookie aisle. This happens to be on the other side of the household cleaners aisle which seems strange to me. But I wasn't left with much time to ponder this unlikely juxtaposition because my eye was caught by a bizarre sight: a box of sugar free Oreo cookies. What, may I ask, is in a sugar free Oreo? I thought that creamy goodness in the middle of the Oreo was pure sugar (and probably some lard which I choose to ignore). I mean, wasn't that the whole point of the Oreo Big Stuff of the 1990s fame--a cookie 5 times the normal Oreo size with 3/4 of an inch of filling? So what has replaced the sugar in the Oreo filling? (Technically, I know the answer because I looked at the label: name your sugar alcohol, and it's in there. Hence the requisite "excessive consumption may have a laxative effect" warning). I just think the whole idea is preposterous. If you are going to eat an Oreo, just eat a damn Oreo. This whole sugar free cookie/cake/candy/snack food fad is just going over the top.

In other news, fall is over. We get about two weeks of fall here. One day, the leaves start to change. The next day, half a tree is no longer green. A week later all the leaves are on the ground. Days following that, the first snow arrives. We're supposed to have 12 inches of snow here by tomorrow afternoon, though I am hoping for less. I don't have the time or the patience this week for the traffic mess that will bring. But I thought I should tell you, winter has begun.

Monday, a Timeline

4:55 am: Hop out of bed, throw on clothes
5:00 am: Hop in car, head to apartment complex office to drop off rent and go to gym
5:01 am: Drop off rent
5:01:20 am: Stare incomprehendingly at dashboard of car when car won't restart
5:01:20 - 5:06: Continue trying to start car, stare bewilderingly at dashboard and occasionally at key, wonder what that clicking noise means
5:07 am: Abandon car, walk back home, continue bewilderment
5:10-5:25 am: Shower, wonder what time AAA opens, wonder what time car dealership opens, wonder if you'll make it to class by 10:00
5:30 - 6:00 am: Wait for a civilized hour to call for help, panic
6:01 am: Call for help, wake best friend
6:15 am: Return to car with "Please do not tow me" sign
6:15:20 am: Successfully attempt to restart car on a whim, bewilderment, mild cursing
6:16 am: Return home, successfully restart car 10 times in a row
6:17-6:45 am: Panic
7:00 am: Arrive at car dealership, drop off car
7:50 am: Drop off best friend at work, take her car back across town to own office
8:15 am: Traffic jam caused by police training exercise on the highway during Monday morning rush hour
8:40 am: Second traffic jam caused by minor fender bender
9:05 am: Arrive in office
11:30 am: Call car dealership, no word on car
2:00 pm: Call car dealership, no word on car
3:30 pm: Call car dealership, no word on car
4:45 pm: Car dealership calls, don't believe diagnosis but agree to repairs
4:50 pm: Depart office
5:15 pm: Job interview
7:00 pm: Tutoring
8:30 pm: Return to Office

Pigs may have Tuesdays, but apparently I have Mondays.